Books, that did not quite rock my boat

This space has been dead for a while now… but I am still very much alive, thankyouverymuch. I had a mini operation just a little while back and I did think that I was really gonna die, but I shall leave that ordeal for another post instead.

So, K forwarded this romantic passage excerpt from Lullabies by Lang Leav to our group chat:

Ah, the mystery of romance…

And I could not help but tweak it (sorry, Lang Leav)…

Essence of 50 Shades and the Crossfire series

…and the passage now essentially became the backbone of erotica novels like 50 Shades series by E.L. James and the Crossfire series by Sylvia Day.

Speaking of which, the official movie trailer of 50 Shades of Grey is out.

A couple of my girlfriends declared that it shall be a girls’ movie date when it is released next February… And I was, like:

I certainly hope the scriptwriter for the movie did not lift any dialogue from the book and possess a wider range of vocabulary than E.L. James.

Please, do away with the countless “oh my“s, and any reference to Ana’s “subconsciousness” or her “inner goddess“. And please… address genitals for what they are instead of referring them as “down there“. I had wanted to punch the book “Ip Man-style” countless times because of Ana’s maturity, train of thoughts and behaviour, which is so much like a 10-year-old girl’s who has voices in her head (and that might still be giving her too much credit).

I found myself wondering several times if the editor of 50 Shades was furiously masturbating him/herself while reading the scripts, and that his/her eyes glazed over the obvious grammar and spelling mistakes in his/her excitement (e.g.: “longue” for “lounge“, using the word “literally” in non-literal descriptions, not checking up on the meaning of “subconscious”, etc). And there are so so so many tacky descriptions that E.L. James could do without; like this one:

This is just too much to absorb. I’m like an overflowing tank of gasoline – full, beyond capacity. There is no room for any more.

– 50 Shades Darker, Chapter 14 (by E.L. James)

…SERIOUSLY?!

She could do without it if that was the best analogy she could come up with, really.

Why did I even finish the series when I could have walked away from it, if I hated it so much? It is because I am the sort who would smell an old dirty rag cloth despite knowing it would stink so so bad. A weird bone in me wants to know how bad the smell exactly is… and then gag and laugh at the same time while beating myself up after proving myself right. The same goes for 50 Shades, I guess.

The Crossfire series so far is better written than the 50 Shades series of course, in spite of the overkill of details. If the author did away with Eva and Gideon’s OOTD descriptions, the book’s number of pages would be halved (ok, I exaggerate but it was close). I get it, one’s a blonde boobsy socialite and the other is a Greek-God-like, well-hung billionaire. Their wardrobes are phenomenal. But there isn’t a need for a OOTD description for every new day and social events that the characters attended in the story!

I was starting to skip pages of sex (which was rather repetitive and boring) so that I could just get to the end, and I was dismayed to find out that there are 2 more installments, which are not yet released at this point in time. DANG IT! The story’s draggy, over-the-top dramatic and there are a few characters in the book that I wish I could slap with a rotting trout. But I need a closure, man. Turned out that the 4th installment was long overdue… by almost a year. WTH.

Now what? What should I move on to?

 

Biatch

“…”

Yes, I received that above text from a close friend yesterday. I knew that she had meant it as a joke, but… somehow the comment still cut.

Maybe because I was not expecting the joke; maybe because I do not find the joke funny; maybe because I really am an anti-social person; maybe it was because of all 3 reasons.

Maybe because she added a “biatch” at the end of the message. Which brings me to…

What is wrong with being anti-social? I am contented with the friends I have at this age; and I do not see a need to deliberately go out to meet new friends, when keeping in contact with all the friends that I have in my phone list is already… beyond me.

It is not that I am socially awkward and cannot hold decent conversations with people whom I have just met. But if I could choose to either chill at home with my laptop, or have a catch-up session over a drink with a close friend, or go partying with my friends and their friends; I would choose the former 2.

Other than the fact that it takes more than one “encounter” to make friends (since at the end of the day, me and “new friend” could walk away with barely any knowledge of the other person’s life even when we have just spent 5 hours chatting); the other fact is that I am lazy.

Hasn’t anyone got the feeling of the need to be at your nicest, polite self, when meeting new people? Like… you feel like you need to put on a mask, so that you appear friendly and approachable? Like that first day in school? It is exhausting.

Don’t get me wrong – I am nice and friendly, and can warm up to people; but it seems to me that I do require effort to be extra nice and polite. And while maintaining that front, I have to concurrently assess how the other party is like as a person. For e.g., I couldn’t possibly be sharing a dirty joke and guffawing out loud when the other party is a quiet demure lady.

I am neither against making new friends nor scoffing at new friendships. I can make new friends. I just think establishing new friendships requires effort when I rather spend my Saturday night at home quietly. In fact, I think my anti-social behaviour is just a very mild one. So…

I am just a lazy bum; not exactly a biatch. At least, not a biatch in this context.

What is up with me lately?

Oh ohhh… been neglecting this blog. Again.

I have something in the draft with me ranting about an article I read not too long ago, about… this. And, this. But I figured I should collect my thoughts (and emotions), before censoring editing and publishing my entry. Like a mature adult.

Anyways, I blogged about my virgin experience conducting a DIY workshop for kids at a birthday party, and… wow, I must say that I have way way way underestimated the power of the social network. I see my stats for my DIY Blog soar like… what I have never seen before. Read about it here! -> DIY session @ a birthday party (6/4/2014).

Gotta run off to meet my sis to brainstorm on some of the ideas we have!

Aaaaand… it is the Lunar New Year of the Horse.

OK, the Lunar New Year celebration supposedly ended a few days ago.

I have never really liked celebrating Lunar New Years, ever since I could remember. Something with the hectic visiting schedule (where kids decked in new uncomfortable clothes just tag along from house to house munching on tidbits and watching senseless tv shows), the crashing cymbals and all things bright red in every retail store, the warm weather and patronizing smiles for distant relatives that I meet only once a year and whom I am, frankly, not really comfortable to have a conversation with about my life. Distant relatives that are more than 3 degrees of separation.

Somehow, the conversational topics never seem to change, year after year. Even when I was way way way past puberty, and these distant relatives have seen me at the same height for the nth time, they would still comment, “Ah… you have grown/are so tall!” Typically I would smile politely at that, but there was one year that I replied, “Funny… but I am long done with puberty more than 10 years back.” Humorless laughter ensued.

Now that I have a husband that is awkwardly tall amongst my relatives, they save this yearly comment for him instead.

And speaking of my husband, since we are married without kids, the natural question bombarded at us during such visits is “When are you both going to have kids?” as they smile cheekily.

I wish I could give them the deadpan expression as a response that I have right now as I type this out. But the response that seem to satisfy them and have them stop at there is to: blush and reply that we are letting nature take its course. Blushing is the key. It is a good hint to people who aren’t blind that we are heading towards awkward grounds if this conversation develops further.

My previous reply mistakes that had led to awkward conversations were:

Distant relative (DR): So… When is your turn to have a baby?
Me: Oh.. er, we don’t intend to have one this year yet……
DR: Oh! Why not??
Me: (thinking – “darn, why do I have to justify to her?” while listing out reasons to her)
DR: Hmmm… pretty valid. You know… (and she would go on about her family planning experience)

DR: So… When is your turn to have a baby?
Me: Errr.. well, we are trying.
DR: (gleefully) Oh really!
To my horror, DR drags a chair nearer to me
DR: You know, you need to…
(And she would go on about how she manage to conceive her 2 kids as I awkwardly try to sit through it politely)

It is one thing if I volunteered such information willingly (to of course, the people that are close to me and I know really care about me and whom I can open my heart to without a worry). But it is another if I feel obligated to have this conversation against my wishes with people who are not in any way part of my life, save for that one day in a year, during a 2-hour Lunar New Year house visit.

So… with the stress of handling such unwanted attention on this issue coming along with each Lunar New Year, imagine how much I dread this entire fiasco.

And let’s face it, even after I and JX do have a kid, the next probing question is when we are going to have our 2nd one; and then the 3rd one. And about the kids’ schools, about their studies, whether if they are dating, when they are going to marry. And then, when the kids are going to have kids. Just stopping short at when I am going to kick the bucket.

They won’t, ever, ever end.

Whoops, it is 2014 already?

December 2013 was mad crazy! I was in a constant whirl, fulfilling and sorting out orders.

And as soon as all was done, I self-declared “off” for myself. Caught up on my sleep and spacing-out time.

Although… I have plenty of stuffs to catch up on too – I need to upgrade my online store’s look; I need to start learning how to film my DIY tutorials; I need to catch up on my accounting… coming up with a business plan and getting in touch with some players in the market.

But gee, I realized that once I slack off, it is just so hard to find my groove back! The procrastinator in me took over and… let’s just say that I am not very proud of myself this week.

So I started with some floor exercises this couple of days – in the hope of revving up my energy and to be a go-getter again. (Yeah, I didn’t touch that yoga mat for some a long time now. Rest from aching muscles turned out to be a huge-ass excuse.)

Plus the fact that I am noticing that my bum is looking very dismal in skinny jeans lately. Must be from sitting around too much. I have to say, strutting around in heels all day (which I don’t do now) DOES work out your calves, thighs and butt – I didn’t work out then too but I don’t remember the ass looking as sad as it does now. And since it had been 5 months since I last wore heels, plus I haven’t been diligently doing my yoga or pilates – my butt starts to look non-existent. Some friends thought I lost weight but it is more like I have lost my muscle mass and have become flabbier!

So, with the help of YouTube fitness vids (Cassey’s Blogilates’ vids are great! And her blog is inspirational.), I work ’em as hard as I could. And… I totally suck. I could not even keep up with a beginner’s Pilates vid session!!! 😥

P.S.: I did say that YouTube is like the best invention ever – but coupled with a Smart TV (mine’s Samsung); it was way beyond awesome! I could stream downloaded videos from my Samsung Note 2 handphone on TV; and even surf YouTube vids directly on the Smart TV. And there are so many fitness videos to choose from on YouTube! All. For. Freeeeee!

Woohoo! Beads! (2)

Rolling deep with beads

Loving how the armswag is making me feel all “boho”.

Makes me feel that the world is a much better, prettier place with these stacked on my wrist.

Peace, flowers and love to you (whoever’s reading this random post).

Woohoo! Beads!

I do not know why; but I never really liked beads. Tough to find nice-looking beads probably.

Until today. When I tried my hand at beading for the first time in my life.

Aaaaand… I am loving this piece so much! I already have my mind set to do another that goes round the wrist a couple of times!

Turquoise beads can't go wrong

Oooh.. I think I could very much get addicted to beading.

UPDATE:

Tadah!!!

Hm.. the night lighting seems to have made the beads blue.

Red Lips

I reckon I am pretty conservative and habitual when it comes to make-up; I rarely ever change up my make-up routine. So I do not know what got into me when I decided it is a good idea to have a blood-red lipstick in my make-up stash (probably one too many Michelle Phan’s YouTube make-up tutorial videos); but I never got the courage to wear red bold lips out, ever.

Alright, I am just plain silly, right? It is just make-up after all!

Red lips are smexy. Red lips are glamorous.

So, I was primping myself before heading out to run some errands in town yesterday. I tried to conceal a sizeable zit near my chin, to no success. And then, I spotted the tube of blood-red lippie. A light bulb lit up above my head – if I sport red lips, it would probably draw the attention away from the angry-looking zit! It is all about relativity, right? As long as there is something redder than the zit on my face!

After I was done, I could not help but grimace at my reflection in the mirror. I looked freakingly weird. And my lip shape is all wonky. Fail. I began rubbing the lipstick off with tissue paper. And more tissue papers.

I think I used 5 sheets of tissue paper in all (when my lips are not even half of Angelina Jolie’s), but I couldn’t get the lipstick all off.

At one point, I thought I look like:

“I use “Fire” by NYX – that is if you are trying to achieve my look. But removing the lipstick is an-hour-long chore.”

Yeah, including his expression, as I pulled out the 5th sheet of tissue paper. After a while, I decided to give up and layer on another nude lipstick in the hope of downplaying the red.

I was home after the errands, waiting for the husband to return from work to have dinner together. When I opened the door to him ringing the doorbell, his first reaction was to raise his brows and ask, “What’s up with the red lips?“

“Experiment,” I replied.

I leaned in for a kiss, and his reaction goes:

Me: What!?

JX: Later, ok? Maybe after you wash your face.

Me: WHY?!?!

JX: Because you are looking a little like Ru Hua now with that messy smudgy red lips.

Me: ?!?!?! *&#@%&

Devastation. I knew I did not do a good job of cleaning up the lipstick, but this bad? I was out in town running errands looking like this?!

(Anyway, Ru Hua is an exaggerated comical character from Taiwan.)

With an association like that, I doubt I would be touching that tube of lipstick any time soon.

The Battle with Silence

I am largely on my own at home in the day now, so I tune in to the radio station to cope with the static silence.

Or I would find myself muttering to myself like a granny preoccupied in her own world. Which is not at all a good habit to set in at my age.

I used to meet people, and talk (aka negotiate/bullshit/lie) for a living. So… there were rarely moments of silence at where I used to work.

There is quite a bit to get used to since I started working at home alone.

Initially, I tried leaving the television on, and tuned in to the news channel. Y’know, so that I do not get too left behind with what is happening around the world while I coop up at home in my pyjamas.

But there is something about the drone of the newscasters’ voices – makes my eyelids weigh heavier as time goes by. And did you watch the news lately? They are so depressing! They make me fall asleep on the couch, and then cry in my sleep.

So I figured that if I wanna maintain my mojo while I go about doing my stuffs, tv is out. And so radio becomes the natural alternative with its cheery pop music and chirpy enthusiastic deejays to get my day by. They read news by the way. In a less depressing manner.

It was all good until I pretty quickly realized it was all One Direction, Nicki Minaj, Justin Bieber, Selena Gomez, Taylor Swift, Miley Cyrus, Katy Perry and Lady Gaga. Hour after hour. On repeat.

It is worse now with the new function this radio station has – listeners get to vote which is the next song in the playlist. There was one afternoon when it was one Taylor Swift song after another. (0_o)

Talk about overdose! I could almost feel my brain frying as I jabbed at my phone to turn off the radio.

By the way, I am not hating on these pop idols now.. and in fact, I quite like “Wrecking Ball” and would find myself crooning along, especially if I am in the shower (Don’t judge me!)

Or instead of ranting about it here, I should maybe just switch to another radio station that gives love to a bigger group of music artistes and whose control over the playlist is not in the hands of some frothy raving teenage fans.

Ok, abrupt end of rant.

Expectation vs Reality

Guess what – I am trying to pick up crocheting now!

So far so good

Not a very popular hobby amongst the city dwellers in Singapore, I must say. I had attracted a few curious stares when I was trying to practice crocheting on the bus ride yesterday.

The “$2, countless hours and curse words” Project

So anyway! I am gonna attempt at making this crochet stuffed rabbit once I am familiar with the stitches!

I am pretty sure that it would end up looking nothing like the picture on the package though.

Because, I attempted to make this some time back (thinking it would be a super easy project):

Expectation: Seems easy enough! Just poke away, right?

But the end result ended up like this:

Reality: Fail

Well, it could have been a lot worse, I suppose. I poked my fingers so many times in this project that I was pretty certain I would end up with a bloody tiger head.

Gonna update again when the stuffed rabbit is complete (although it could be eons after; since I am still clueless on how to interpret the crochet charts and symbols. )